BADILIKA PROJECT FORUM ON 6th OCTOBER 2011.
TOPIC: MASCULINITY
Members present
Thuku Njuguna MEGEN
Denis Mataka MEGEN
Asha Nyakundi KICODI
Betty Sharon CWID
Tom Ngar CWID
Merilyne Laini CWID
Millicent Okello CWID
Flora Ali CWID
Lorine Awuor CWID
Shimo La Tewa Prison Officers present
Suleiman Kamanza
Abbas Alinoor
The forum started with a word of prayer from one of the prsioners. Then an introduction followed. Sharon then welcomed the Badilika members to the forum and explained what our objective for the forum was before inviting Mr Thuku Njoroge from MEGEN who was the chief facilitator.
He introduced MEGEN- Men for Gender Equality as an organization that involves men a lot in the fight against GBV and human rights. It was established in 2001 when men met in Nairobi and the media misreported that men who had been battered by their wives had met to advocate for their rights.
Masculinity
He described masculinity as ‘Ubabe’ in Swahili. Each member present was asked to describe who a real man was and everyone came up with their own answers. He summed up and said that the description of mascuinity depends with the man’s age, the tasks he has in the family and society and how famous he is.
He also asked each member to say what gender of child they would prefer, either a boy or child and most members seem to have preffered boys sighting their reasons which all had some masculinity aspect in them.
He explained that there a lot of myths that are associated with masculinity, boys are misled when they are young and are made to grow up with myths such as they should not show their weaknesses nor cry, these misconceptions make the boys stressed as they never get to release their anger and hence grow up cultivating it, and when they become men they turn out to be violent and release the anger to women or children, this is as a result of the supressed anger since childhood.
Intergender communication.
He explained that men and women communicate differently and they also perceive messages differently but it is important for them to come to an agreement. Women are known to express themselves and it helps them to get over emotional stresses, unlike men who are brought up with a mindset of not expressing themselves as it is perceived as a sign on weakness.
Badilika members contributing to the discussion.
How the society has nurtured men
Cultural roles and expectations have contributed much in the way violent men are, our cultures and traditions have brainwashed us in defining the roles of men and women, men are believed to be masculine and women are the weaker sex. The effects of these expectations has led to psychosomatic diseases, stress, wrong perceptions of boy/ girl responsibilities and many otherspsychological and emotional effects, he also gave an example of how men in our universities cannot cook their own food, they therefore end up living with their fellow female students who act as their wives, their cook and clean for them because men believe those are women’s roles, this therefore leads to irresponsible intimate relationships in our education setup and can result to HIV/AIDS, death, alcoholism ad family breakups. People have not realized that in as much as men inflict physical pain on women such as rape and beatings, most of the emotional pain remains with the man.
Sharing
experiences in a group discussion
Group Work
Members were divided into three groups and each individual in the group was to present a personal experience of a painful incident that happened to him/her or a close relative or friend that was as a result of masculinity. The group would then choose one story from the ones shared in the group to present, then all members analysed the type of GBV that was caused from the initial GBV and how masculinity played a role.
Countrywise effects of GBV.
He went ahead and explained some of the national effects of GBV as a result of masculity. The country’s population decreases due to deaths from physical and emotional violence, he also explained that an approximate of 4.1 billion shillings goes in drain treating cases of GBV in hospitals, the money could be directed to something more significant like improving the national health status. Families are also not holding together because most of the break up due to wife battery, rape in marriage, incest e.g fathers raping their daughters or sodomy.
He stated that even though the society has brainwashed our mind and made men be perceived to be masculine, it is an individual decision to choose not to be violent. We have a responsibility to be positive and change the mindset of the society because no GBV comes single handedly, it is always accompanied by physical, psychological or economical effects.
Resources (books)
Dare to Speak by MEGEN
Facing Violence by ICRH- Kenya.
The Usual.
Members were remorseful when they heard the stories that were presented and they could capture the sense of how masculinity could easily contribute to GBV.
The unusual.
The prisoners sat together with the officers without minding their positions in the institution, they shared openly and were glad to also hear the personal stories of the prison officers, the group work brought everyone at par, no one felt superior to the other.
We were also informed that a day after the forum, one of the Badilika members who was a teacher was chosen to accompany the officers at the Borstal Institution and he did a presentation on masculinity.
Emerging issues.
Members went though the Facing the Violence and Dare to Speak books which includes stories of GBV survivors and they felt a need to also narrate their expriences with GBV on how much damage they feel they have cased to others and also how the Badilika program has tranformed them, they therefore asked for stationeries which CWID has purchased and took to them already.
Members also asked for Badilika Tshirts to identify them with the club.
Appreciation.
Coast Women In Development (CWID), on behalf of the network members thanked the MEGEN national chairperson Mr Thuku Njuguna for recognzingthe network’s efforts to actualize the Badilika project and for the insightful facilitation that brought out the emotions and exeriences of the Badilika members and made them see the need to change and the importance of sharing to express their feelings.
Wayfoward.
MEGEN has developed interest in the project and is willing to work with the network to make the project alive and active. It will also implement a similar project in other regions in the country.